Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize