Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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