i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
