i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
