I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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