i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
