Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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