you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
