is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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