Kiss
Puke
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
