and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
