I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
