yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
false alarm. still invincible.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
