i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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