I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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