i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
