so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
