C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
