last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize