Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
