the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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