So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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