You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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