My liver just broke up with me...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
