im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry about my life...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
