She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
