I have demons in me.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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