my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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