I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
