It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
