my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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