what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
