I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
