I've blown a few things in my day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
