Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
