you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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