Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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