if you like me you must not know who I am
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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