dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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