you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
