Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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