He is an equal opportunity slut.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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