Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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