I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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