that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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