are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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