Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
