my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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