Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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