my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
