Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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