I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
