it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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