If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
