her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
