I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
