I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
