He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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