i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
