Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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