Why does Corona taste like a burp?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize