dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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