I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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