We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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