i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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