I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize