New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i drank out of a bidet.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
