Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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