i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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